The green monster: Dealing with the Ego in Professional Dance
The life of a professional dancer is as much a psychological and emotional struggle as much as it is physical. We have all at one point or another experienced those ugly emotions we know we shouldn’t feel, but somehow, in some way, something in dance brings them out from the deepest and darkest places; “why did she get that part?” “How come he got that job?” “Why didn’t they hire me?” Understanding the Ego and how to utilise it best in day-to-day life can be mighty helpful in the ongoing development of a dancer’s career.
The ego is a powerful tool, used correctly it is there for your confidence, your growth and ability to get on stage and captivate an audience. Conversely, it is all too easily misused and abused creating all sorts of ugly scenarios. This is part one on reflections of the ego as a dancer’s mental health tool kit told from a personal journey in the dance profession
The ego has been given a rather bad wrap in today’s norms and societal connotations. A slight departure from the earlier Freudian understanding, the ego nowadays refers to traits of vanity, selfishness and inflated self-image. However, the Ego, in psychological terms, is defined as a sense of self. As we grow and develop our desires and sense of self, the ego can become a force that, as we have all seen, can be geared towards either constructive or terribly destructive ends. Dancers are arguably a group of people conditioned from early on for praise and approval addiction, groomed to feed off the insecurities easily exploited by the ego. This becomes apparent in even the most menial of ways. Every event of our careers, every day in class, every time the casting sheet is put up, the agent calls, or the reviews come in, it is the need for attention, approval and applause that unfortunately becomes an inevitable of being dancer. The high demand of the job coupled with a constant need to glorify oneself, means that the sense of self becomes highly dependent on work life success and recognition.
A career in dance, albeit a short one in comparison to other careers, is often a waiting game where one must continue to improve despite everyday setbacks, scrutiny and politics, just waiting for that moment in the limelight. The ego is arguably the hardest thing to keep in check as a performer; especially considering that it is our job to be the one that stage receiving notice and applause or relishing in the art form we believe so vehemently in. It is in the blood of everyone who embraces the performing arts to want to be at the centre of creating art in motion, to crave that attention on one level or another. So how do we keep our sanity and commitment to the craft when we are not the “chosen one”, and especially in those occasions when we think we are a much better fit for the part?
In response to my (embarrassingly woeful) moaning and complaining one day, a wise friend of mine gave me a piece of advice (which I am now co-opting and extrapolating into an article, so thank-you). It is with his help, as well as a few notable psychology and self-help books that I was encouraged to practice the habit of teachability in order to avoid the victim mindset trap. This simple and over-used piece of advice to always have the humility to learn something is key in the life of a dancer. When we reach the point that no particular job/role or lack thereof will define who we are as dancers, the ego loses its stronghold. The self can then focus on how to grow artistically and personally.
It isn’t about rejecting those darker emotions per se; we would not be human if we did not feel tinges of jealousy, frustration, outrage and envy as responses at times. Self-help/spiritual expert, Deepak Chopra argues that it’s not by ignoring our shadow side that we overcome negative emotions, but rather, it is by facing those dualisms head on that we can transform and transcend them, creating something much more powerful. By uncovering the real or deeper reason why those emotions exist is what enables us to transcend them.
In situations where a particular person creates that indescribable frustration, pop psychology will offer a conclusion of looking within rather than shifting the blame outwards and deflecting. For example, when I have experienced those frustrations the problem ends up being not so much with the person or the situation. It is more accurately in regards to my view of, and issues within myself that I am deflecting, failing to acknowledge or to own. By taking a second to reflect on what exactly is the annoyance and where in my own life I may be denying its existence is the essence of taking control and learning from these frustrations. In dance it may be looking candidly at what in my own dance ability or work relationships I feel I am failing at, or holding myself up to an extremely unfair standard.
In the reality check that is life, dealing with and deconstructing the ego is important for such a heavily status and approval conscious career. It is by constant judgement-free acknowledgement of those feelings and a genuine look as to why they might be there that we can lessen some of the power of the ego. In overcoming the frustration bleeding out from a bruised ego, the emphasis is on watching, learning and understanding that parts will come and go. It is not so much about the praise-addicted ego being satisfied, but the artistry inside of you learning and discovering new things; from what it likes, and also from what it does not. Allow and embrace each and every person to give you something rich and powerful from this journey that is your career.
Photo: video frame from Flesh and Bone
One of the toughest , most competitive careers anyone can embark on. These words will save a lot of others a enormous amount of depressive emotions.